I used to be unhappy with my life. I used to be MY CAREER. I used to be who I needed to be for others. I was stuck. I believed for a time that normalcy was just fine. I was jaded. I was almost…average. I was almost dead.

I was reminded of my old life recently and what it used to be, simply because of my brother and his feeble attempt to tell me to have a good day. Our conversation was this:

R: Hey, didn’t a little something tragic happen last year around this time that made you realize that you were really lucky to be alive?

V: Yeah. It was a car accident on the morning of my birthday.

R: Oh, yeah that’s right, a car accident. Wasn’t it a minor fender-bender or something like that?

V: Not exactly. I was t-boned by a group of guys in an SUV who then left the scene and left me for dead.

R: Ah, T-boned, I was close.

This is our relationship. I feel the slightest bit crabish and he feels the need to bring me pull me up by bringing up one of the most earth-shattering events in my life. Thanks dude. I feel better.

I am better everyday.

Shindeita
Asa ni
Tomorai no
Yuki ga furu
Hagure inu no
Touboe
Geta no
Otokishimu
Iin na naomosa
Mitsumete aruku
Yami wo dakishimeru
Janomeno kasa hitotsu
Inochi no michi wo
Yuku onna
Namida wa tooni
Sutemashita
Furimuita
Kawa ni
Toozakaru
Tabinohima
Itteta tsuru wa
Ugokasu
Naita
Ame to kaze
Kieta mizu mo ni
Hotsure ga miutsushi
Namida sae misenai
Janomeno kasa hitotsu
Urami no michi wo
Yuku onna
Kokoro wa tooni
Sutemashita
Giri mo nasake mo
Namida mo yume no
Kinou mo ashita mo
Henno nai kotoba
Urami no kawa ni
Mi wo yudanete
Honma wa tooni
Sutemashita
Translation: The Flower of Carnage
Begrieving snow falls in the dead morning
Stray dog’s howls and the footsteops of Geta pierce the air
I walk with the weight of the Milky Way on my shoulders
But an umbrella that holds onto the darkness is all there is.
I’m a woman who walks at the brink of life and death
Who’s emptied my tears many moons ago.
All the compassion tears and dreams
The snowy nights and tomorrow hold no meaning
I’ve immersed my body in the river of venegance
And thrown away my womanhood many moons ago
On the behalf of heaven, they’re our soldiers, the loyal, invincible and brave.
Now it’s time for them to leave the country of their
Parents their hearts buoyed by encouraging voices.
They are solemnly resolved not to return alive, without victory.
Here at home, the citizens wait for you.
In foreign lands, the brave troops
Instead of kindness from someone
I do not care about
I rather prefer selifshness from you my beloved.
Oh, it the world a dream or an illusion?
I am all alone in jail.
[Thanks to dracir@rocketmail.com for lyrics]

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