What is right?  Sometimes you must choose to either remain silent under still water and be saved.  Sometimes you must call out to to the city and risk it all for the sake of others.  I am calling out to the city. What about you?

Phone Reverse Tracking

Reverse Phone Tracking
0×80070005 192.168.1.1

Where to begin? Well, it seems that we are well on our way to a grand adventure. All that is left now are the logistical preparations.

boot straps? check.

steely gaze of a lifelong wanderer? check.

intrepid soul? check.

We do have the necessities though, don’t we? Anything that man or woman can face in this lifetime is met best simply by the will to succeed. What the eye sees and the mind captures are just picture postcards of what the heart knows - To place foot in front of foot and to be tested and not found wanting is all that matters.

The difference between a Chef and a Cook.

Responsibility.

I have found it more difficult to be Pastry Chef of a restaurant that has no customers rather than one with many.  I am going through the Grand Opening of a new restaurant that has yet to open its doors and I have am currently finding new empathetic tones in  the Lee Dorsey hit,Workin’ in a Coal Mine.

“Workin’ in a coal mine, goin’ down, down, down - Workin’ in a coal mine, oops about to slip down - 5 o’clock in the morn’, I’m already up and gone - Lord, I’m so tired, how long can this go on…”

Alone,  Sunday Morning…Quiet Kitchen…Professional Kitchen…My Kitchen.  A wave of satisfaction washes over only to be interrupted by pulses of panic - the only reason I haven’t fallen backward is due to the weight of stress on my shoulders.  I am solely responsible.

Silence.

I only then realize that  it is the stress that is my saving grace.  This weight on my shoulders is keeping me balanced, grounded.  This is what I have worked for…but I smile as I think that I will later blog asking the question, “Is this what I have worked for?”

What does it take for a person to change? Does it take an event, a thought, an emotion? I ponder this as I am being convinced that I need to change. Change the person that I am because of my negative traits. I am at a crossroads in my life and somewhere out there, there is a happy median between who I am and who others want me to be. There is nothing that I would rather do than walk in the opposite direction of the happy median. I am curious to know if I am truly this person that others say I am. I am fighting. I will not stop fighting and someday soon I will come out on top. Negative trait #4 - I am never wrong. I am right about that. I am who ever I say I am. Not anyone else.

The morning was ideal.  A 7am wake up and it is time to make the doughnuts…or in my case decorate the cakes for some side cash.  Maybe it was the glint of my pallete knife across the buttercream or maybe it was Living Colour’ s “Cult of Personality” streaming in loud and clear through the FM like 1989 was right on top of my fridge, but the morning was perfect.  It was still and quiet at first - just like a perfect Sunday morning…someone else’s Sunday.  I turned up the radio dial to break the erie perfect snug morning dew then began to think about the fact that in a Sunday to come - I will be in London and there will be nothing snug or perfectly normal about the morning. I smile.

I used to be unhappy with my life. I used to be MY CAREER. I used to be who I needed to be for others. I was stuck. I believed for a time that normalcy was just fine. I was jaded. I was almost…average. I was almost dead.

I was reminded of my old life recently and what it used to be, simply because of my brother and his feeble attempt to tell me to have a good day. Our conversation was this:

R: Hey, didn’t a little something tragic happen last year around this time that made you realize that you were really lucky to be alive?

V: Yeah. It was a car accident on the morning of my birthday.

R: Oh, yeah that’s right, a car accident. Wasn’t it a minor fender-bender or something like that?

V: Not exactly. I was t-boned by a group of guys in an SUV who then left the scene and left me for dead.

R: Ah, T-boned, I was close.

This is our relationship. I feel the slightest bit crabish and he feels the need to bring me pull me up by bringing up one of the most earth-shattering events in my life. Thanks dude. I feel better.

I am better everyday.

Shindeita
Asa ni
Tomorai no
Yuki ga furu

Hagure inu no
Touboe
Geta no
Otokishimu

Iin na naomosa
Mitsumete aruku
Yami wo dakishimeru
Janomeno kasa hitotsu

Inochi no michi wo
Yuku onna
Namida wa tooni
Sutemashita

Furimuita
Kawa ni
Toozakaru
Tabinohima

Itteta tsuru wa
Ugokasu
Naita
Ame to kaze

Kieta mizu mo ni
Hotsure ga miutsushi
Namida sae misenai
Janomeno kasa hitotsu

Urami no michi wo
Yuku onna
Kokoro wa tooni
Sutemashita

Giri mo nasake mo
Namida mo yume no
Kinou mo ashita mo
Henno nai kotoba

Urami no kawa ni
Mi wo yudanete
Honma wa tooni
Sutemashita

Translation: The Flower of Carnage

Begrieving snow falls in the dead morning
Stray dog’s howls and the footsteops of Geta pierce the air
I walk with the weight of the Milky Way on my shoulders
But an umbrella that holds onto the darkness is all there is.
I’m a woman who walks at the brink of life and death
Who’s emptied my tears many moons ago.
All the compassion tears and dreams
The snowy nights and tomorrow hold no meaning
I’ve immersed my body in the river of venegance
And thrown away my womanhood many moons ago
On the behalf of heaven, they’re our soldiers, the loyal, invincible and brave.
Now it’s time for them to leave the country of their
Parents their hearts buoyed by encouraging voices.
They are solemnly resolved not to return alive, without victory.
Here at home, the citizens wait for you.
In foreign lands, the brave troops
Instead of kindness from someone
I do not care about
I rather prefer selifshness from you my beloved.
Oh, it the world a dream or an illusion?
I am all alone in jail.

[Thanks to dracir@rocketmail.com for lyrics]